Okay, I totally "get" the zucchini jokes, now

Q: Why do people in small, peaceful towns still lock their car doors?
A: So nobody sneaks a zucchini into the car.

Okay, I get it. For anybody who plants it in their garden, the stuff is typically quite bountiful. Even a couple of plants will produce more zucchini than a normal family can consume. So it's given away to friends and neighbors- some who are appreciative (me) and some who have their own gardens and their own zucchini overload problems.

Even one big zucchini can go a long, long way. I was given one that was nearly as long as my arm & about as big around as a 2 liter soda bottle. We ended up making 6 loaves of zucchini bread with it- and we still had a piece of zucchini left.

I'm not a big vegetable eater, and much to the suprise of several people, I'd never eaten zucchini bread before. I was hesitant to make any- I only baked it because of Fred's assurance that he liked it, and he would "eat the hell out of it" if I made some. I wasn't sure if I'd eat any. I couldn't get my mind around the fact that it was bread made with a green vegetable. Then somebody likened it to carrot cake, and that made it a little easier to accept. I grabbed a few recipies off the Internet- including one for *chocolate chip* zucchini bread...and set to baking.

And whaddya know, I've broadened my horizons! It's not a big deal to most people, but for anybody who knows ME, it's a big deal! The very fact that I eagerly wolf down this bread with little greenish veggie ribbons streaked throughout it, is a step in the right direction. There are about 7 vegetables I'll actually EAT....like I said, I am not a big veggie eater. But I wish I was- it'd make eating healthy SO much easier. So, I'm trying. Chocolate chip zucchini bread may not sound like I'm trying TOO hard, but it's something.

Now the idea of eating zucchini itself, sauteed with a little salt & olive oil, isn't quite as stomach-clenching as before. I can actually fathom the thought of eating it....it helps, of course, that it doesn't have a heavy vegetable flavor, like its evil and disgusting cousin, broccoli. Here's to broadening my horizons, one vegetable-disguised-as-dessert at a time....

(paging dr. freud?)

Country Questions, Country Sayin's.....

Country living brings so many questions to a person's mind.

Questions like, "Is it true you can't eat wild rabbits in the summer?"

Or, "Is it normal for two rooster pheasants to pair up & roam the fields together, or are your pheasants just gay?"

"Is that wheat, or hay- and if it's wheat, why is it balled up and treated like hay?"

"What is the proper procedure for dealing with escaped cattle? (Especially when one does not have a trained cattle dog handy?) Do the cows bite, kick, stampede or pose a threat of home invasion? Is this considered a legal South Dakota Good Excuse To Shoot My Shotgun?"

"What's the best way to humanely slaughter a meat-rabbit, without looking like that creepy lady on that Michael Moore film, Roger & Me?"

Also....while "Useless as Tits on a Boar" will always have a special place in my heart as the Best Southern Saying Of All Time...there are a couple new phrases I've learned in South Dakota that are pretty darn good.

One is "Useless as a popcorn fart". Now I'm all for finding new and creative ways to describe the utter uselessness of something. I've got two Basenjis, after all....and one can't come up with enough ways to express frustration with them at times. Other variations would be "dry as a popcorn fart" and "light as a popcorn fart." But I like useless. Fart-related insults are the best.

The other would be "Poured like piss out of a boot." A concise and evocative description of the weather. The Weather Channel would gain some much-needed spice if they started using this phrase liberally where appropriate. (The Weather Channel could also stand to lose the elevator music and play weather-appropriate music. Like gospel songs about Noah's Ark for rainy weather. Or Dethklok for tornadoes and hurricanes. C'mon, smooth jazz sucks, unless you're Courtney, but I digress.)

Either way, when I hear someone say "It poured like piss out of a boot"....I have two questions. Why is there piss in your boot, and....No, seriously, WHY IS THERE PISS IN YOUR BOOT? And don't try to blame it on drunkenness, as a drunk person can't aim well enough to get it all inside a boot's relatively narrow opening. A drunk person would just piss in the refrigerator at 3 am, just like my friend's stepdad did when I was 12.

South Dakota has changed me, for I will never view a torrential downpour the same way again.

Small Town Police Blotters #3- Awesome Driving Award

I need to make this into a seperate blog. Yankton alone provides so much hilarity on a regular basis, and I haven't even LOOKED at any other nearby town's paper, yet.

From the Yankton Press & Dakotan, Aug 11, 2009:
Witnesses reported to the sheriff’s office at 10:28 p.m. Saturday that a 2000 GMC pickup rolled over near Highway 50 and 433rd Ave. The vehicle landed on its wheels, and the driver left the scene in it. It was determined that the driver was a 20-year-old Yankton man. He was arrested for reckless driving and failure to report an accident.

Okay, so here we have a young man who rolls his pickup truck on the highway. It could have been tragic, but apparently, this man is Chuck Norris. Or, his pickup truck is the physical embodiment of Chuck Norris. Either way, his vehicle not only rolls....not only lands BACK on its wheels, but has retained enough mechanical soundness for the man to flee the scene in said vehicle. If that's not awesome, I don't know what is.

I think this guy needs to be nominated for an Awesome Driving Award.

Small Town Police Blotter, Part 2

Okay, so when I posted the previous entry, I was reminded of one I saw the other day that struck me as being almost as absurd.

From July 24, 2009 Yankton Press & Dakotan:
• Two females and a male reported Friday morning that someone put peanut butter under the door handles on their vehicles while they were parked in the 2900 block of Douglas Ave. Several area residents were spoken with about the incident and were told to get along with each other.

I've heard the term "nanny state" loosely thrown around in political debates, but this incident seems to be a perfect, albeit very literal definition of the term.

I am beginning to wonder if there is a "special investigations" officer on the Yankton Police force, who specializes in stern lectures and finger-waggings for "hoodlums, scallywags and rascals". Instead of a gun, he carries a ruler, and slaps people on the wrist with it if they get too far out of line.

Small Town Police Blotter, Part 1

I regularly get a chuckle from some of the things that end up in the newspaper's police blotter up here. Coming from a big, crime-ridden city....I'm used to the newspaper only printing a "portion" of the area's arrests & incidents (to print them all would likely require a whole newspaper section). Most of the time the big city paper includes only the more serious crimes/incidents, and NOT the times when Old Aunt Millie down by the river called 911 to report the pesky squirrels on her lawn, or something. Not here....it seems ALL calls to 911 that required any sort of officer follow-up are printed in the paper. They. Print. Everything.

The following entry is from the Yankton Press & Dakotan, published Aug 7, 2009:
"• A request for an officer was received at 7:49 p.m. Wednesday. Memorial pool staff requested that an YPD Officer speak with an 8-year-old boy about pooping on the floor. Boy was spoken to and advised he would not do it again."

I don't even know how to follow that. It speaks for itself. I'll refrain from the obvious astonished reaction i.e. "exactly where was this child's parents, why were they not supervising him at the pool, and IF they were present why did they need a policeman to scold their own child for public defecation?"

Let this be a lesson to anybody thinking of visiting Yankton....don't poop on the floor at the pool, or you'll be visited by the cops, given a stern talking-to, most likely combined with a firm finger-wagging.

ETA: Re-reading the newspaper entry; I notice some ambiguity in the way it's written. The officer was there to "speak with an 8-year-old boy about pooping on the floor." It's unclear- was the cop there to CHASTISE the boy, or did the pool staff just think the boy needed to have a bizarre, uncomfortable discussion with a man in a uniform, about poop?? And then, "Boy was spoken to and advised he would not do it again." Who was doing the "advising" here- the boy, or the officer? I am by no means a grammar whiz, but the writers for the Dakotan also get PAID to write; you'd think they'd form better sentences. Also, "pooping"? Seriously? A college degree in journalism and you're actually using the word "poop" in a newspaper? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.